As parents, we instinctively want to shield our kids from pain, disappointment, or feeling left out. That’s one of the main reasons parents cave when it comes to smartphones, we struggle to tolerate our child’s frustration or fear that they’ll be socially isolated. Add peer pressure to the mix, and it’s easy to feel like we have no choice but to give in.
But what if we could avoid this entire battle? What if the pleading, begging, and relentless negotiations over smartphones never even started in the first place?
I hear it all the time: “Your kids must hate you for this. How do you handle the constant begging?” But here’s the truth, my kids, now 10 and 12, don’t beg. They’re on board.
I know this sounds smug, and I’m well aware that the teenage years are around the corner. But I believe the groundwork we’ve laid means this alignment will stick. I want to share how you can set the same foundation with your kids, whether you’re just starting out or already feeling the pressure to give in.
Start Early: Set the Stage Before They Ask
1. Teach Them to See the World Differently
From a young age, help your kids notice the impact of smartphones on others. When you’re out at a restaurant, point out the families sitting in silence, glued to their screens. On the street, draw their attention to “smartphone zombies” who are so busy scrolling, they don’t even see the world around them.
Instead of just criticising, frame it with compassion:
“Doesn’t it seem sad that those people are missing this moment together?”
“Look at that man crossing the road, he’s so busy looking at his phone that he might get hurt.”
By making these observations early, kids learn to see smartphones as tools that can take away as much as they give. Help them understand that your family values real connection and living in the moment
2. Emphasise the Freedom of a Smartphone-Free Life
Talk about how not having a smartphone gives them more time for the things they love. Explain that the constant notifications, endless scrolling, and social media drama aren’t freedoms; they’re addictive traps.
If the Begging Begins: Don’t Panic
1. Lead with Empathy, Hold Firm on Boundaries
If the “everyone else has one” argument comes up, acknowledge their feelings:
“I know it’s hard to feel left out, and I understand why you’d want one. But as your parent, it’s my job to protect you, even when it’s hard.”
Then shift the focus to what really matters:
“We’re choosing to wait because we care about your health, your happiness, and your childhood.”
2. Share Stories of Inspiring Role Models
Bring up young people who are leading the way in rejecting smartphone culture. When kids see others their age making these choices, it shifts their perspective from “missing out” to “choosing something better.”
Roxy Longworth, who shared her brave story When You Lose It, now speaks out against smartphones and social media for young people.
There are many kids swapping out smartphones for more simple phones and feeling happier.
Gen-Z writer, Freya India, helps to expose what social media has done to girls.
3. Show the Science Without Overloading Them
You don’t need to bombard them with studies, but a few key points can make an impact:
Smartphones can hurt eyes, necks, friendships and mental health.
Research shows that delaying smartphones gives kids a major boost in resilience and well-being.
The Bigger Picture: Raising Kids Who Question the Norm
When you say no to a smartphone, you’re not just avoiding one argument, you’re raising a child who can think critically and resist peer pressure. This isn’t about punishment; it’s about giving them the tools to stand out for the right reasons.
How to Model This as a Parent
“How does it feel when you start talking to me and I look down at my phone, instead of looking into your eyes?”
Asking questions like this is important. Our behaviour matters. We must put our own phones away during meals and resist the urge to check it every five minutes. Kids watch what we do more than what we say, so we must make sure our actions back up our words. And if you are lucky enough to have a kid who calls you out when you're modelling the wrong behaviour, be grateful and address it.
Practical Tips to Avoid the Smartphone Battle
1. Make a Family Tech Plan Early
Decide as a family what tech is allowed at what age, and stick to it. For example:
No phones in bedrooms.
Set time limits for screen use.
Encourage alternatives, like a basic flip phone for emergencies.
2. Build Strong Offline Habits
Fill your family’s time with meaningful offline activities: game nights, outdoor adventures, or simply chatting over dinner. When life feels full, kids are less likely to fixate on what they don’t have.
3. Connect with Like-Minded Parents
Find other families who are also delaying smartphones. This creates a support network for both you and your child, making it easier to resist the pressure.
A Final Thought: This Doesn’t Have to be Difficult
My kids don’t beg me for a can of coke every breakfast. My kids don’t beg me for a pet horse. My kids don’t beg me for a tattoo. And my kids don’t beg me for a smartphone. Because the answer would be so obvious, they wouldn’t even bother to ask.
fabulous, Hannah! thanks for writing - i've shared it across a number of networks. x
Agree so much. I wrote a “Non smartphone user’s bill of rights” because of this— how we as parents need to always be thinking about our kids’ perspective staring at the back of our phone. How frustrating that must be and no wonder kids are so eager to get a phone— they want to see what’s had their parents’ attention for so long.